Rule #2-Clean up the Kitchen

There is no bigger fan of this newsletter than my wife Lindsay. Just kidding, but given the title, she might read this and if she does, she would probably refute what I’m about to write. In my defense, we now have children who are 15 and 13 and very well capable of cleaning up the kitchen themselves. 

In my early days as a superintendent, I thought there was little harm in having a loose relationship with time at the end of the day. “What time will you be home?”-was a frequent question from my wife. I might say an hour, but I’d get busy with something and it would oftentimes be more like two. Golf course time is how she referred to it.

I was never an 80 hours a week person, but we lived three blocks from the course, the job was new-ish, our kids were little, and it felt just fine to wander home an hour or so after I said I’d be home.  

Things changed when we moved to Hazeltine. We lived further-driving distance (it’s relative because we’re only 10 minutes by car)-from the course and as our kids got older, there were pickups and drop offs that could not be missed. I could no longer afford a loose relationship with time at the end of the day and had to be much more committed to doing the things my family needed me to do. 

‘Cleaning up the kitchen’ is my euphemism for getting your ass home at a reasonable time and committing to important family things. It can be as small as committing to cleaning up the kitchen after your partner has made a meal, or as big as making sure you are on time to pick up your kids after practice or school. When you’re in the middle of something that seems important, it can feel okay to leave your daughter waiting a few minutes outside the locker room doors. I can assure you, whatever you think is important at work means nothing to a child left waiting.

Your participation in your family’s schedule has to be non-negotiable. It doesn’t mean there will never be times when a meeting, or tournament keeps you at work longer than normal. These events aren’t the problem, they are scheduled and will always be part of the job. The commitment I’m talking about is day to day, week to week. I’ve done this job for 17 years and nobody has come up to me and told me it’s ok take a day off, or I should feel free to leave early. These are decisions you need to be comfortable making yourself. If your daughter needs to be picked up from school at 4, it’s non-negotiable, nothing at work can be more important. 

We talk all the time about the importance of our teams. Don’t forget that as a partner and parent, you’re part of a way more important team and they need your participation and presence as much or more.